”If you feel any negative emotions, like anger, sadness, anxiety or resentment when you think about your ex, then you’re emotionally triggered by him!”
Being emotionally triggered means that you're constantly losing energy to your ex’s words, actions or behaviour. In fact, each time you think or talk about him, YOU LOSE energy and HE GAINS energy!
Many divorced moms have no idea how being emotionally triggered can negatively impact their energy levels and emotional health! Some actually believe they're empowering themselves by talking negatively about their ex. When in fact, the only one getting empowered is their ex! Instead, they’re keeping themselves stuck in their divorce pain, drama and unhappiness.
If you're serious about wanting to stop getting emotionally triggered by your ex, there are three (3) mindsets you need to embrace in order to start the divorce healing process…
Mindset #1: You must decide that you no longer choose to be a “victim” of your divorce and agree to do what it takes to take your personal power back!
Mindset #2: No matter how good it feels to trash your ex, don’t! This will position you in a place of emotional strength and integrity. There’s nothing more powerful than knowing when to speak and when not to!
Mindset #3: No matter what your divorce circumstances are, be willing to let go of your anger or sadness towards your ex. Otherwise, these negative emotions could cloud your judgement and rob you of your energy and happiness.
The bottom line is, until you truly believe that “you deserve better”, then nothing will change in your life and you will continue to remain emotionally triggered by your ex. But if you are ready to take that leap of faith and invest in your emotional healing, here are 10 things to remember…
1. Make a conscious effort every day to not behave like a “victim” of divorce.
2. Protect your energy! Stop giving it away. Treat it like it was the last $10 you have and you need it to survive.
3. Restore your energy so you can resist being reactive to your ex. High energy helps you think clearer, keeps you grounded and in control of your emotions.
4. Set healthy emotional boundaries. Distance yourself every way possible from his stress, drama and negativity.
5. Stop blaming, shaming or judging your ex no matter how tempting it is! Remember, he’s responsible for his own behaviour, and you yours. The truth will eventually come out! Instead, re-focus on your own behaviour and the new life you want to create for yourself and your children.
6. Be willing to do your emotional healing work! By the way, this is not an option! Remember, whether you wanted the divorce or not, your heart has been broken and is in dire need of healing and self-love.
7. Work through EACH of the negative emotions you feel towards your ex until you no longer feel triggered. Be patient with this process. Even if it takes longer than you thought, each day you’ll get a little stronger, confident and happier!
8. Write down visual reminders and inspirational words all around your house and work. This will help you stay positive and focused on your goals whenever you feel stressed or have low energy days.
9. Be present! Avoid the temptation of living in the past and rehashing old memories, conversations or experiences about your ex. This will only keep you stuck in the past and rob you of your vital energy supply.
10. Keep striving towards wanting to forgive him and yourself regardless of who did what.
MY COACHING ADVICE to you is…
The road to emotional freedom might seem like a long and hard one, but before you give up on yourself and the process, I want you to think about where you will be in 5 years from now if you don’t change? Your stress, pain and unhappiness will stay the same. Perhaps even get worse! And, the only thing that will change - is your beautiful heart!
Think on how happy and well-adjusted your children will be because they have one parent (YOU!) who is a strong, healthy, confident role model for them! So, if you can’t do it for you right now….do it for them!!!
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